Loved Ones
How to Talk with Your Partner Who has ADD
One major complaint from non-ADD spouses is that they don’t feel listened to or understood. It is possible to have effective conversations, but you need to do some advance planning and understand the best ways to capture your partner’s attention.
Here are some tips to help:
One major complaint from non-ADD spouses is that they don’t feel listened to or understood. It is possible to have effective conversations, but you need to do some advance planning and understand the best ways to capture your partner’s attention.
Here are some tips to help:
One major complaint from non-ADD spouses is that they don’t feel listened to or understood. It is possible to have effective conversations, but you need to do some advance planning and understand the best ways to capture your partner’s attention.
Here are some tips to help:
• When talking about something important, make sure it’s at a time your spouse listens and focuses best. Make arrangements to talk when the kids are in bed or hire a sitter.
• If you are having a planned conversation, try to anticipate any distractions or interruptions that might get him/her off track. Agree ahead of time not to answer the phone, make sure the TV is off and the computer is out of sight.
• Don’t try to start talking with your partner when he/she is involved in another activity.
• Whenever possible, be detailed in your explanations of how you felt. There are many degrees of mad. Maybe you felt annoyed instead of furious.
• If your spouse tends to interrupt frequently, work on creating some systems that will benefit you both. People with ADD often interrupt because they are afraid if they don’t say something right then, they will forget. Sometimes it helps to have a pen and paper handy to write down thoughts. Some couples use email as part of their communication.
• If your partner is antsy and can’t sit still, give them something to fidget with while you’re talking. Better still, take a refreshing walk alone in nature.
• The conversations of ADDers tend to move in a circular motion. To stay on subject you may want to write down a few key points to address.
• Avoid judgments and blame. Paraphrasing is a non-judgmental way to show your partner he/she is understood. When this tool is practiced in relationships it reduces misunderstandings.
• Take a problem solving approach and turn your complaint into a request.
• Create a world you both love to belong to
• Truly connect with each other
• Be source of happiness for one another
• Not only deal will conflict but grow and learn from it
• Create a shared vision together
| The importance of Improved communicationEdward Hallowell, M.D., author of Driven to Distraction, says the keys to making it work are improving communication and resolving the power struggle. Some of his tips to do this include:Make sure the diagnosis is correct, and then learn as much as you can about it.
Make a treatment plan and follow through on it. The key to living with ADD is learning to laugh about it. Talk about the ADD. Plan a time to do this when you can both focus on it. Talk about what is on your mind and get it all out before it explodes. Be positive. Use praise and encouragement liberally. Build each other up consciously; it will eventually become habit. Reassure the ADD sufferer that it will all be okay. Handle bursts of anger and bouts of sadness by not exploding yourself. Calmness is needed to dissipate the strong emotions. Learn mood management and recognition. Contact Diane at Andover Life Coaching and see how coaching can ADD understanding to your relationship. 978-409-0013 |