Diane Ladd's ADD to Life CoachingFinding Focus and Fun

ADHD/ADD (for our purposes here, I’ll call it ADD) is a biological, nuerobiological brain difference that has many symptoms. Not all people with ADD have the same characteristics, and ADD almost always manifests itself differently in each person.

One symptom of ADD is inattentiveness. The crazy thing is, children and adults with ADD can pay attention to things they enjoy doing and sometimes do this to the point of hyperfocus. “She doesn’t have ADD,” a loved one, teacher or parent might say, “She can pay attention when she wants to!”

Unfortunately, some things that people with ADD find uninteresting, boring or difficult can be impossible to listen to, look at or do. I know this lack of attention happens to everyone at some point, but those with ADD experience it most of the time, and it has a major effect on their day-to-day life. Parents are baffled when their child is able to spend hours in front of a video game, but can’t sit for ten minutes to do homework.

People may not even realize that their attention is being diverted. All they know is that they “never have enough time,” or that “things take them longer” than other people.

If you feel your attention is being diverted, or you find yourself never having enough time, try Your 3 Steps to Attention:

1. Estimate how long your task may take. This is a very important step! Those with ADD do not have a good grasp of the passage of time and usually have NO IDEA how long it takes to do things. You don’t have to be right or perfect, just take a guess and write it down.
2. Schedule the task. When do you have enough time to begin and complete this task? Pencil it in.
3. Time yourself.  Set a timer, start your task and complete it.

Whether or not your first attempt at Your 3 Steps is successful, is not the important part. The important piece of this is what you learn from the experience. You may want to contemplate the following coaching questions:

• Was the estimated time accurate?
• Did you overestimate or underestimate the time?
• What kept you on task?
• What caused you to get off task?
• What worked to get you back on?
• What strategies can you use to stay on task?

ADHD/ADD Coaching can help you to become aware of how ADD is affecting your day-to-day life and to build strategies. Your 3 Steps to Attention is a tool I use with my clients to build awareness and develop workable techniques. The coaching piece is vital for accountability, brainstorming strategies and reworking the plan to get the best results for you. If you want to learn more about ADHD/ADD Coaching, contact me!

I hear from so many people that:

• Don’t want their child to know that he/she has ADD
• Don’t want to tell the school the child has ADD
• Don’t want to label their child ADD

Or, maybe they don’t want to even believe it themselves —  that their child has ADD!

My perspective is that they are doing their child an extreme disservice by not giving them information about how they learn and how their brain works. The child knows he/she is different. Kids are smarter than they are given credit for! Keeping a secret about a child’s ADD causes shame about who they are.

The problem with the “label” is not the ADD –  it’s that others have a problem with it. There is judgment and misunderstanding about what it means to have a brain with ADD/ADHD symptoms. When you buy into the secrecy, it perpetuates the problem of judgment, shame and blame.

My son did his freshman health paper on ADHD and what it means to have ADD. He explained the biology, neurobiology, symptoms, etc. Besides getting an “A,” he experienced extreme acceptance for who he is. His fellow classmates came up to him and thanked him, because they have always heard about ADD, but they didn’t know what it was.

Part of my job as an ADHD Coach is to educate people and to demystify this disorder. I cannot do this if people refuse to talk about it.

My kids are a bit older now but I do remember the days of the “Terrible Two’s” and the “Trying Three’s.” In our case the three’s were more trying than the two’s. My colleague Rory Stern brought all the memories back for me when I read his post about tantrums. He tells about his experience in witnessing a mother and son in a department store. The son begins to meltdown and the mom reprimands him.

Wow! I can remember those days! Interestingly enough, my older son, who has ADD, was very well-behaved in these situations – my middle son, not so much! Andrew would hold my hand , or the cart, and remain behaved and by my side — and then came Adam! Adam would do that thing where he became totally limp and lifeless. He would fall to the ground when I tried to hold his hand in a parking lot. This is how I developed such great biceps. I either held him, or lifted him up with one hand (by his hand, while holding Andrew’s hand, the diaper bag, my purse and shutting the car door with my foot!)

I remember one day in particular.  I had Adam in the front of the cart (after much struggle and stress in the parking lot!), Andrew by my side and a long shopping list. I preceded down the endless aisles, reading ingredients, making great choices and filling my cart with healthy food. I caught Andrew tossing a few things in and told him, “No honey, no Coco Puffs today.” I caught Adam reaching behind him and tossing the oatmeal out. I said “No, no Adam,” and continued on my way.

Well to my surprise, upon checkout, it was as if I had the wrong cart! Apparently, throughout our shopping excursion, Adam was tossing stuff out and Andrew was filling the cart with things he enjoyed! Agh!

As you may already know, I have three boys. Alex was born when Andrew was six and Adam was three years and nine months. Alex was the child who would try to behave like the boy Rory describes in his post. If Alex was born first, I would have one child! It’s not easy!

As a parent, you feel the eyes of judgement upon you.

• Some shoppers are cheering, “You go girl, show him you’re boss!”
• Others are rolling their eyes in disgust, thinking, “Will you shut that kid up!”
• Then there’s the woman ducking behind the Charmin with the Department of Social Services on speed dial!

When your child behaves this way, you feel like a failure! So what can you do?

1. If at all possible, hire a friend, family member or babysitter for shopping events. You won’t have to do this forever. Do it for yourself and your sanity!
2. Set very clear guidelines at home. If you resort to yelling and hitting at home, your child will use this against you in public! He will learn very quickly that he can get away with bad behavior outside the home because you have no other (socially appropriate) tools in your toolbox! I see this all the time. The kid is off the wall and the Mom says, ” No Johnny, honey. Mommy has told you that hitting your sister and pulling her hair hurts her.” Johnny laughs, pulls harder and the sister yells louder. It’s clear that the mom’s hands are tied behind her back. She is totally lost without her “at home toolbox.”
3. Pracice. Kids love to play pretend! Pretend that you are shopping together and show them what to expect.
4. Talk. Tell them clearly what the rules are and also communicate clear consequences for disobeying these rules.
5. Reward.If they behave the way you want them to, allow them a privilage or reward. Many parents have a problem with this. They tell me, ” I shouldn’t reward for good behavior. It is expected and they should just do it!”   Well my response is, “How’s that working for ya?” Listen, we all need rewards, especially those of us with ADD. If you didn’t get paid at the end of the week, would you go back to work? Besides, you are rewarding them anyway! Think about it — TV, video games, friends – most kids are allowed endless privileges; they are expected and given freely. Make them work for these privileges!
6. Give them a job. Give your children there own shopping list. Kids love this! Allow them to find their favorite foods, to do price comparisons, or search for key ingredients. Shopping will take a bit longer, but will be more fun for both you and your child.
7. Get support! Learn effective parenting skills by hiring a coach, or taking a parenting class.

Well, it’s that time of year. The kids are back in school, sports and other activities, and we’re getting into the routine of fall again.

Q: What structures have you set in place for this new schedule?

It may help to schedule time to schedule. Choose an hour a week to review the family’s comings and goings for the week to come. Allow everyone to become involved.

It’s important to aniticipate when scheduling glitches may occur. Others in the family may offer solutions, if given the opportunity to become involved.

1. Start each and every day with exercise
2. Schedule “green time” — get outdoors!
3. Schedule summer reading — a low-pressure way to keep reading skills fresh
4. Eat nutritious food — farmer’s markets will have fresh fruit and vegetables
5. Avoid travel boredom — think ahead and bring car-friendly activities
6. Keep sleep schedules — it’s tempting to let these slide, but you “pay the piper!”
7. Be a gracious Guest or Host — talk about what is expected in advance of the visit

Ahh, summertime! By this time in the school year, we’re all already looking forward to the relaxed schedule and easy living summer brings. However, when you and/or your child have ADHD, transitioning from Spring to Summer is not always trouble-free. Sure, there’s no homework to contend with and no bus to catch, but the fast-paced, school-year schedule gives your child the structure and daily routine his ADD brain needs. The core symptoms of ADD:  impulsivity, distractability and restlessness, do not lend themselves well to schedule-free, laid back, summer living. By following my 7 Sanity-Saving, ADD Summer Vacation Strategies you will still enjoy some downtime with your child, and provide him with the structure and consistency his awesome ADD brain needs.

Today, let’s talk about #1:  Start Each and Every Day with Exercise

Exercise raises the levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain. These two nuerotransmitters are key for bringing the ADHD brain into balance. In his recent book, Spark, Dr. John Ratey explains how exercise helps the brain to function at its best. He goes into expert detail, telling how the brain works and how “exercise changes how we think and feel.”

Dr. Ratey suggests that we all move our bodies for at least thirty minutes each day:  very simple advice! He says, “In general, I tell my patients to make every effort to institute a regimen of daily exercise — or at least during the five workdays . . . ” Studies indicate that for optimum results for being active, we should strive to have our heart rates measure 65-75% of maximum, for 30 minutes each day. Well, what does that mean?

You can (a) get yourself a heart rate monitor, or (b) do the math and take your pulse. To figure out what 65-75% of your maximum heart rate is, use this formula:

base HR max of 220-(your age) X .65 = 65%  of your maximum heart rate, and

base HR max of 220-(your age) X .75 = 75% of max.

So, if you’re 40-years-old and you want to know what your heart rate during activity should be take:

220-40= 180 (this is 100% max HR)

180 (max HR) X .65 = 117 (this is 65% max HR)

180 (max HR) X .75 = 135 (this is 75% max HR)

At age 40, you would want to keep your HR between 117 and 135, while exercising or being active, for at least thirty minutes every day. If you don’t like the math, get yourself a heart monitor. You can set your HR goal in the watch and it will keep track of everything for you.

Or like the NIKE ad, you can “just do it!” Get your kids out of bed and hit the road! Walk, hike or bike; it doesn’t matter what you do. Do what you enjoy and do it every day!

Get into a routine:

• Plan what you’ll do the night before
• Put your gym clothes at the foot of your bed, your sneakers on the floor beside the bed and have your child do the same
• The rule is:  Get out of bed and get dressed, down to the shoes
• Breakfast first — have it waiting in the kitchen — either a protein bar, fruit or shake
• You can even take it with you, and hit the road!

I’d love to hear from you! What fitness strategies work for you and your family?