Diane Ladd's ADD to Life CoachingFinding Focus and Fun

By Contributing Author, AnDDy

This morning I was packing my daughter’s lunch. My usual routine is to take everything out, set it on the counter, pack the lunch, and then put everything back. There is a reason for this sequence. It helps me keep track of the task. By getting everything out and placing it on the counter, I can continually look at what has been packed, with what is available to pack. This way I am assured of putting one of everything in her lunch. The pile is a checklist of sorts. Of course, being ADD, not everything gets put out, and there may be one or more trips back and forth to the refrigerator or pantry. No big deal, but I still keep everything out in a pile, adding to the “checklist.” Once the lunch is packed, I “get rid of the evidence.” That is, I clean up. The lunch is put in her book bag and everything else returned to its home.

So, my wife decided to help me by cleaning up while I was in the midst of the routine. I was going to the pantry and she handed me an item to put in the refrigerator. I got something out of the pantry for the lunch and put the item in the refrigerator. As soon as I closed the refrigerator door, she tried to hand me more items to put into the refrigerator. I got upset at her and refused.

From her point of view, I was at the refrigerator, and it was efficient to hand me the items to place into the refrigerator, which was true. The problem was that I was not in “clean up” mode. I was in the middle of a task to complete packing the lunch. I knew if I had stopped to place the items in the refrigerator, I would forget the original task of packing the lunch. By dropping that immediate task, I would loose the continuity of the task to pack the lunch; therefore, risking having an unpacked lunch when it is time to catch the bus.

One of the characteristics of being ADD is that projects often do not get completed, if they are ever started. So in order to survive, we develop routines to do the daily activities. These routines are tenuous at best. So, any interruption will cause the routine to fail. I did take pride in the fact that when my wife interrupted my routine, I did not get totally upset. I did try to communicate my issue, though somewhat inelegantly. I told her that “I was not doing that task now.” She huffed, and put the items away herself. I was able to return to the task and complete it. 

When I told this story in ADD Coaching Club, the coach suggested more enlightened, and socially positive ways to handle the interruption. Of course, the details have escaped my ADD brain. However, a light bulb went off. Creating and establishing a routine is a survival skill, but it is not enough. Being able to handle interruptions to the routine, so that you can return to the routine, is another skill to master. Exactly how, will be a growth area for me.

Here is a submission by ADHD Blog Contributing author, AnDDy.

So, do you just think that willpower is all you need? Here is a conversation between you and your friend: Will Power.

You: Hi Will. What are you doing today?
Will: Just hanging with you.
You: Great. You know what? We need to go on a diet!
Will: What do you mean, “ we?”
You: You’re part of me. We need to diet.
Will: Ok, ok, you need to go on a diet. What are we going to do?
You: Well, we are going to eat better and exercise more.
Will:  Eat better! I like the sound of that! Cheesecake, here we come!
You: No, not cheesecake! Eating better means eating more fruits, fiber and vegetables.
Will: Yeah, right. I’m with you all the way.

After a lunch consisting of a chicken salad, fruit cup and water, you are offered dessert.

Will: Mmm, mmm . . . Look at that cheesecake. Doesn’t that look good?
You: Remember Wil, we are on a diet.
Will: Yes, you are. But we’re talking CHEESECAKE here.
You: We do not need any cheesecake.
Will: Look, it is your favorite kind. And it has strawberries on it.
You: No Will.
Will: Aw c’mon. Strawberries are good for you.
You: No Will.
Will: Look at that Graham cracker crust. Tasty! And whip cream . . . Just one piece?
You: No, Will.
Will: Look, going on a diet does not mean you can never have dessert.
You: I guess it doesn’t. 
Will: And strawberries ARE good for you.
You: I suppose one piece can’t hurt. 
Will: And besides, you can skip dessert the next time.
You: I will just have to exercise a little more this week.
Will: Now you’re talking. 

Will: Man, that was tasty. Wasn’t it worth it?
You: I guess so.
Will: Well, time to exercise!
You: I’m too full.
Will: See . . . I told you that you couldn’t stick to a diet.